Read the following two sentences very carefully:
A woman without her man is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing.
Did you notice that the entire meaning changes through the use of two tiny little punctuation marks? How bazaar that such a tiny difference can make ALL the difference…
Well sometimes in life these little ‘punctuation marks’ aren’t very obvious.
Have you ever considered the possibility that there are other tiny little, almost unnoticeable things in life that should alter our perceptions? but don’t.
For example, have you ever heard anyone say “I got the wrong end of the stick”… which basically means, I didn’t read the situation properly, and in hindsight, reacted like a complete grade A twat.
Doesn’t it just make you look like a plonker when you realize you have firmly grasped the wrong end of the stick, waved it around, hit a few old people and THEN decided that you have acted a little rashly.
It would take twenty-thirteen weeks to cover all the different varieties of interpretive fuck ups, so I have been puzzling over that absolutely pain in the rectum which is, Facebook.
yes that oh so awesome creation, Facebook. And oh, golly gosh such a gigantic, enormic, superlative ball of a fuckity fuck fuckery has never been seen before.
The pitfalls of having a Facebook account are deeper and wider than Kerry Katona’s downstairs… and that saying something.
Real life – *See girl you know in the street*
“Hello, how are you?”
…
“Oh hi, yes I’m good thanks.”
…
“up to much?”
…
“nope, just shopping, fancy getting a coffee?”
…
“Yeah sure”
*quick coffee and chat, END of fucking story*
Now lets look at similarly innocent scenario on Facebook..
Facebook – *Girl writes on your wall*
“Hi hows it going?”
…
“Good thanks, you?”
…
Everyone on your friends list now thinks the following
“OH MY GOD THEY ARE TOTALLY FUCKING!… LETS ALL STALK THEM AND TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THEM FUCKING… DID I MENTION THEY ARE FUCKING?”
How such an innocent chat is interpreted as a despicable sex act is beyond me…
I am talking from direct experience here as I have fallen foul of these fucksticks who decide that reading into your life and interpreting every single conversation as some sort of Hanzel and Grettle breadcrumb trail to an enormous gossip-ridden ball of sex, drugs, swearing, cheating mess that they can uncover.
Essentially most people get their little Sherlock Holmes hat on and have a good search through the metaphorical bins to dig up something titillating and interpret it as a scandal!
Well I suppose people with the IQ of a Gregg’s sausage roll and no discernible life of their own must find a way to pass the time ey?
Here are a few tips to get you by…
1. Don’t be in a picture with anyone… you will forever be known to be shagging them rotten.
2. Don’t make any facial expressions. any slight lip movement shall be known as a pout and therefore you are a poser/slut.
3. The angle of all pictures shall be straight on, any angle deviation shall result in being know as a slut. somehow…
4. ALWAYS cover your body head to toe in frumpy attire, else you shall be a slut.
5. Doing anything shall result in being a slut.
I hate to say it people, but interpretation is key, and unfortunately people, Facebook is the master of all fuck-up-ery.
Many a good person has had their name tarnished as a result of a poorly worded status or perhaps a photograph which may or may not involve them doing something which the stalky bastard brigade regard as ‘slutty’.
So what have we learned?
You shall be slandered and hated for all that you do, and anything you try to do to stop it shall result in the vegetables who prowl Facebook looking for gossip having a good old bitch about you.
As a wise man once said… Fuck off.
Does it matter what these idiotic pack of fuckmuffins have to say about you?
That my friends is the glory of the ‘Unfriend’ button 🙂
If only it were so easy in real life!
Food for Thought.
robdowdsfoodforthought 