If you went to an ‘EPIC’ pool party and found the pool filled with urine and pedophiles looming around… you may feel like you have been slightly cheated…
As would you feel a bit miffed if you purchased a new Audi and on collection found that they had actually attached a steering wheel… to an Onion.
Well what might you do if such an incident were to fall upon your day… well I would more than likely complain to the person who misinformed me. And more than likely shout at him until his face fell off.
This is standard procedure for when someone sells you something, which turns out to be shit.
Well I have puzzled over how one particular group of people have gotten away with such things for so many years, and people never seem to notice.
Travel Agents. Aka… Bastards
Usually you will casually stroll into Thomas Cook and have a browse at some brochures. After a very practiced amount of pondering time, a women, usually named Carol, wearing a size 26 blazer bursting at the seems, a thick neck which questionably looks like it contains an adams apple and a face so large with makeup application that it could well eclipse the solar system and destroy all life on earth…. waddles over and asks if you ‘have anywhere in mind’
Looking too and from the brochure which clearly has Ibiza Emblazoned on the cover, wondering if she has been told to say this, or if she just devoured a bowl of ‘well duhhh’ for brunch, you will point at the brochure to which her eyes will light up….
‘OHHHH I’ve been there soooooo many times, I just love the night life and the partys, you will looooove it’
Once again you will find yourself perplexed as to whether the reason she elongates every dramatic verb or adjective in a sentence is a health problem or if she was just a nob.
To cut a long story short, she will sell you a ‘package deal’ where Grey Goose is flowing, gorgeous women lay strewn about like scatter cushions and the weather is perfect.
Well, I hate to burst the proverbial bubble. but what a load of shit.
Yes in Ibiza you will find all these things, if you go out and find them yourself. However if you are to stick to the handy Thomas Cook brochure then the only thing you will find abroad… is Sunburnt Brits.
Imagine walking down a rough street in Salford… then picture everyone is topless… and angry from the heat… and putting the letter O on the end of everything in attempt to communicate with the locals… Most of which speak better English than the British!
Well that people is the West End in San Antonio.
Loud, obnoxious and about as aesthetically pleasing as a cauldron of boiled testicles, marinaded in evil.
Well worth your £399 for that deal ey?
Carol lied didn’t she. Yes, she did. and now she is most likely snorting with laughter into her fourth bacon sandwich of the morning.
Well fuck you Carol. The cholesterol in your arteries will finish you off soon.
Might I propose an alternative?
Lets say you want to go on holiday, why don’t you speak to people who have actually been there and let them tell you what the score is… instead of listening to some morbidly obese he/she, who’s actually knowledge of nightlife travels no further than the local pub… most of which is spent arguing over the price of Cheese and Onion Crisps.
So, if you don’t want to be sold a turd… do some research, and don’t listen to that bitch Carol
robdowdsfoodforthought 